My Story: The truth behind AWAKEN

Anxiety & Depression

In this world anxiety and depression are taboo subjects. We're scared of talking about them in fear that we will look 'weak'. But, vulnerability and showing emotions isn't preached about enough ladies n gents, we really should be open with the way we feel, it actually holds a lot of power. 

My astrology babes will understand this . . . I am a Capricorn, so showing emotion and 'weakness' is the hardest thing for me. The thought of anyone thinking I'm not strong, or anyone relishing in the fact I am struggling literally pains me! I like to feel like a boss, to feel powerful, and to feel like I'm on my 'A' game 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. 

One of the most important lessons that I have learnt is that this standard is actually impossible. You cannot be on top form ALL the time: there are days where you will feel sh*tty and there are days when you feel like crying for no reason and that's actually very, very normal. 

My Experience

I struggled with anxiety and depression very severely for a period of time through my late teens/early 20s. It actually escalated to the point where I wanted to end my own life, I couldn't see a way out. Even if there was a possibility of getting better, I didn't think I could endure the time it would take to get better. I was in too much pain every day. I barely slept, but when I did, I used to feel gutted when I woke up because that meant another day of feeling the way I did.

People controversially say suicide is 'cowardly', but when you're in that mindset, you feel like a burden to your family, your partner, and your friends. You feel like you're actually doing them a favour if you're out of the picture. I was lucky: I was surrounded by so much love and support, but the guilt you feel for taking up your loved ones time and energy is awful. You literally convince yourself that their life would be better if they didn't have to worry about you. 

Your own headspace can be a very scary, lonely place to be. There are so many levels to depression and anxiety, but where you're at right now doesn't matter,  just know that there's always hope and you can always find a way back, I promise you that. 

My recovery

It was only when I hit rock bottom that some progress in my healing journey was made. I think being at your absolute breaking point can help you alter your perspective. It was the strangest thing, I was sat in the bath just thinking, thinking about everything and evaluating my life. I was wondering if I could ever actually take my own life and how I would do it. I actually remember doing a google search on ways to end your own life, yep, that's where my head was at! And it was only when I was reading through googles great suggestions on 'How to end your own life' that I felt this overwhelming impulse come over me. All I felt was this feeling, like there was another path for me. I can't explain it. I don't know why it happened. I still don't understand it, but it was like a glimmer of hope, something I hadn't felt in months and months. It was honestly the strangest thing. 

I took to google once again, and this time I searched for 'alternative ways to heal depression'. I was already on the devils pills (anti-depressants), which I can't go into on this blog, you'll have to do your own research, but all I can tell you is that I truly regret ever putting those pills into my body. Did you know anti-depressants have a side effect of suicidal thoughts? Sounds ideal for someone already on the edge doesn't it. But that's a subject for another day. (*Please remember this is just a blog post including my own opinions and experiences, it is not to replace your doctors advice.) Anyway, I did the google search and I made a promise to myself that day. That if there was a more positive way out for me, I'd find it. I started researching meditation, mindfulness, affirmations, gratitude, crystal healing, food and nutrition. I then decided I was going to put 110% into my healing journey. One last effort. 

I started meditating every day without fail, morning and night, no excuses. For every negative thought I had, I replaced it with 7 positive, and trust me when I say there was a lot of negativity going round in that mind of mine. For this healing journey to even begin, I had to realise that I actually was in control, my thoughts created my reality, and my reality was all down to me. I had to take my power back, and take full responsibility for my f*cked up headspace. I could no longer feel sorry for myself. I was no longer the victim of my own life. 

Healing isn't linear, it wasn't a case of every day I got a little bit better until I was healed and then I felt like sunshine and rainbows for the foreseeable. But it is true that gradually I started to feel a little more human, I still had bad days, but there were less of them. And I started to feel more like myself again, but a new self. I was actually creating a new, better person than before. I was learning how to look after myself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It was the best journey I ever took. I realised that the key to healing wasn't pills and prescriptions, it was to look inside yourself and to do the inner work. There's was no destination to my healing journey, there still isn't now, I don't believe you're ever fully healed, because when we start to look within ourselves, there is always another layer to peel back, and there is always room for growth, but that's the beauty in it. 

Then to now . . .

It's only now when I look back that I realise how far I have come. I am no longer depressed and anxious. I am happy, healthy, and fulfilled. Life truly is beautiful. But what I will say is, despite feeling good, I still do the work every day. What I mean by this is, the work that I did every day to overcome my depression, I still do that work now. I still meditate every day, I still do my affirmations and gratitude statements, I still use my crystals as a spiritual toolbox to help me navigate my way through life. I'm only human, I still have bad days, but they don't phase me anymore, because mindfulness is the way of life for me. I know I create my own reality, I know any emotions I feel are like waves in the ocean that will pass, it's all just a part of life. And I am so grateful for life. 

I sit here and think. . .  imagine if I'd have acted on my suicidal thoughts. I wouldn't be here living the best days of my life right now. That scares me so much. I just feel overwhelmingly grateful that I chose myself and I chose another path. You can do it too. There is hope. There is healing for you. 

How it all led to Awaken

Being in a f*cked up headspace is hard. You're at war every day with yourself and I know so many people in the world feel that pain today, you are not alone.

I created Botu because I wanted to help people who are in the position I was, heal. Crystals and alternative therapies played a massive part in my healing journey, and I know they can help others too. It's my mission to help introduce men and women to therapies like crystal healing. 

Awaken is my baby which I pour my heart and soul into. I want to provide the best service with the highest quality products. It's so important to me that you understand the reason behind everything. I search for the best suppliers because you deserve the best. All of our crystals are shipped from ethical mines all over the world, and we stock the highest grade crystals which are all completely authentic. Not only do we want to be a reliable platform for you to source your gems from, we want to teach you how to actually use the crystals you purchase from us.

Thank you. . . 

Thank you for reading this blog post with kind eyes and a big heart. It's not easy to be vulnerable and open up, but sometimes it's whats necessary. I hope this blog finds you well and gives you hope. Thank you for being you and supporting Awaken, this is just the beginning for us and we can't wait to help people all over the world heal. 

Much love, 

Elesha x